You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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