My room smells like vodka and shame
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
