Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
