I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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