She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
