I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize