sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
