rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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