A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
