she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
