Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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