Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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