Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
