Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
