Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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