Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
