I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
