Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
