dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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