Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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