God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
