and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
