I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
