Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
