i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
