Is it normal to miss your booty call?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
