I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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