he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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