You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
