I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
