I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
