fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
