My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
