just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
