Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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