Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
ugly people sure do ruin things
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
