So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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