Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
