You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
