He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
