can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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