Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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