You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
