The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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