Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my poor anus
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
