What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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