she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The air taste purple.
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