I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
