I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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