can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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