She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Randomize
