Soap is not a condiment
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize