Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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