my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So much rum. So many feels.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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