I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
should my penis look like a turkey
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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