connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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