I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
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Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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