May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
