there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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