some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
