Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
