Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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