Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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