Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
