Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
