I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
