I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
