never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
