non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
