Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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