At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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