I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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