i permit you to call me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
