he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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